I can't say I know what the future holds for me, because I have no clue.  It scares me at times, though I know it shouldn't.  I love change, but at the same time it can be scary.  I'm sure you all know that feeling.  The unknown.  Not knowing what to expect.  But, let me tell you this…when you feel like your world has been turned upside down, when you think you have absolutely no where to go, let me say that this is exactly where God wants you.  At His cross, for you to get down on your knees and hear Him…and to respond.  What are the dreams in your heart?  I'm sure there are things in your life that you never thought would happen and it has made a complete and total change for you.  I know it has happened to me.  I have a question for you…I'm sure you know your dreams and your plans…but are they the plans YOU created for yourself?  Did you have this idea of what would happen in the next couple months and figure out what is the best financial and the right decision you thought would be?  Did you know that HE has a plan for you…that HE wants you to surrender YOUR plans for HIS?  A friend recently challenged me, asking me if I prayed about another option.  I never even considered it, simply because I thought I knew what was best for me.  I had said if it's in God's will, then sure it'll happen.  But what if everything we considered was "right," was actually not in the will He has intended for you.  And I am not here to say that it's wrong, or if you follow through with it that it won't be right or turn out great.  This being said, I want to challenge you to do the thing you think you cannot do.  What are the dreams He has put in your heart?  What is that thing tugging at your heart for you to do?  What is it?  Because whatever it is you know is from Him, hold onto it, don't let anyone snatch that away from you, and for goodness sakes ACT on it--don't just say things and to go by the typical saying "whatever happens--happens".  Be proactive.

This is what I want for my life.  I want my life to be changed…for me to be completely radical for Him and know His plans for me.  I want to STRETCH…to step out of my comfort zone.  To learn, grow, and transition into the woman of God He intended me to be.  I want to be the voice for Him.  I've been in school my whole life…and after May, my life will be completely different.  I'll have that "big girl" job that I had always dreamed of, and I can guarantee you it will be way harder than I think.  And you know what?  At times I might think I'll be in over my head, or maybe even ask myself what I got myself into.  I don't want to do that…that doubt, I do not want that to creep in, because I know if I follow what God tells me to do, then I shouldn't have that doubt.  There will be laughter and there will be tears, there will be ups and there will be downs.  But whatever I may go through, it will be with Him.  You want the truth?  Here it is: it is God who will NEVER leave you.  He wants you to get on your knees…to pursue Him.  When you get to know Him, you get to know the plans He wants for you and so much more. 

If anything, please remember this: do the thing you think you cannot do.   Everyday, do something new.  Stretch.  Grow.  Step out of your comfort zone.  And above all, remember HE is the forefront of your mind and actions, and that He wants to use YOU to make disciples of all nations.  Amen.

Just got back from watching the movie Contagion starring Matt Damon and Jude Law.  I thought it was good.  Not the greatest movie in the world, but it really does make you think more about hygiene and good hand-washing practices.  It also has the possibility of making you a little more slightly paranoid about germs.  I'm pretty sure those that were coughing during the movie might have felt a bit disowned afterwards.  Hey, who could blame them.  If I were sick I wouldn't want to be around others (true story).  So, tonight I guess I want to talk about power.  Not strength wise, moreso the fact of how people have power you (if they do).  Have you ever thought about it like that?  I know I have, and have also experienced it as well (on the receiving end).  Not going to lie, it's not the greatest feeling in the world.  To know that what someone says can affect your mood and the rest of your day, that should never happen.  When you look back on it, you might think you are over something or someone, but when you are faced with the situation head-on, you realize you aren't.  Kind of a cruddy feeling to be quite honest.  I like the saying, "you might not get over someone, but you learn to move on."  I think that holds true.  You let it go and move on.  Yet, sometimes…somehow, it creeps up on you when you least expect it.  And BAM--you're mood has instantly changed.  What is it that has power of you?  After watching this movie, it makes me think.  IT (whatever that is) has power over you, and IT is contagious.  It spreads like wildfire, and whoever you come into contact with it will affect.  Truly a sad thing.  It might not even be a trigger that someone could say, maybe it's just simply interacting with them in a civil manner.  And THAT my friends, for that to happen, is unbelievable.  So, now you ask yourself, "what do I do with that?"  It's a hard thing to think about.  You might have done everything in your power to let it go, yet it keeps on returning.  You can do the positive talk, and say, "I will not let this ruin me," you can lift it up to God, and let HIM handle it, or maybe what you need to do is confront it head on.  It's hard my friends.  Things don't go always our way (I think we need to be reminded this from time to time), but I certainly do not believe we need to be controlled by our circumstances.  Instead of letting them control you, why not control the way you react to the circumstances. And sometimes, in the end, you might just have to keep on letting it go.  When do you say, "enough is enough!"?  Well, I believe you'll know when that time comes.  Just remember, your words and actions are contagious, and they make a significant difference in someone's life.  Treat others as you would like to be treated.  We never know what kind of situation they are in or where they are in their life.  And above all--keep on loving.

That mountain you face...keep on going forth.  Soon enough, you'll gaze down at all those hard parts and realize just how far you have come.  That is an accomplishment.

And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to Him must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who earnestly seek him.

Hebrews 11:6

What are you seeking?



Ever feel so strongly about something? During those moments nothing can change your mind.  You think you know right from wrong, and you feel so justified during those moments.  But afterwards, weeks later, you look back and think, "maybe I did overreact, maybe I made something out of nothing."  Maybe I should have looked at it through a different set of eyes. Why did I think so much into it?  Maybe I ended up making a huge mistake putting so much into something that was barely even there.  I had invested into what exactly?  I can't put my finger on it.  Nor do I think I will be able to do so.  People make mistakes.  We learn from them.  But sometimes, the mistakes we make are irreversible.  We cannot change them nor can we redeem ourselves from the situation.  It's a hard concept to accept, especially when we expect things to be completely fine in the end.  It's almost as if when we TRY to fix it, we are really tearing it more and more apart.  Can't we just let it be?  It's hard for me to grasp that, because I like to be on good terms with everyone.  Any broken relationship I have, I like to fix it and make it like how it was before.  Because I know that God doesn't want brokenness in anyone's life.  We try to do the right thing, but what really is the "right" thing to do in any situation.  We see things through our OWN looking-glass, not the same as someone else's.  Due to this, perhaps it makes it that much harder to say "I'm sorry.  I was wrong."  Our own stubbornness and hard-headedness gets in the way of the truth.  This cannot be cured or changed overnight.  It takes time.  Sometimes it takes us away from friends, from those we just tried too hard with.  We try so hard from our HUMAN flesh to fix things.  Why can't we submit this to God? Why can't we just let it be and rest in His hands instead of taking the control into our own?  It's a control issue.  It's almost as if it's an insult to God, as if we are saying, "I don't trust You enough to handle this situation on Your own."  God doesn't NEED us.  We need Him.  We try to act tough on the outside, but really, on the inside of us, we may think we know best, but we don't.  Our Father does.  If He was in your room with you right now, telling you to rest your worries on Him, what would you do?  "Anything for You, Lord," you might say.  Just because we don't see Him or necessarily feel Him all the time, doesn't mean He's not right there with you.  I guess what I'm trying to say is that we are HUMAN.  We make mistakes.  And as much as we try to fix them, we can only do so much.  It's hard when things don't go the way you want them to.  We've all experienced it.  We've gotta lay it down at the cross.  We cannot do it without Him.  Sometimes, we pray so much and don't "hear" anything from him.  Praying isn't a one-way street.  It involves listening.  Maybe that's the next step we need to take.  Listen to Him.  It's hard, because we think it's about us.  Whatever relationship that you think is so torn, so beat, give it to God.  It takes time.  We live in a fast-paced society so we get impatient quickly.  It's definitely a learning experience.  And it's unfortunate, but don't always be so quick to blame yourself.  No negativity.  God can heal it!  Just remember…it's on His time, not yours.  You've done your part.  Let it rest.  He WILL heal.

Is it fair if I just vent for a bit?  I've been needing it.  First thing is first.  My future husband is going to be SO lucky when I cook for him.  It's a good thing I'm trying new and different things that will prepare me for the future!  Just like Campbell's says, it's "Mmm mmm good!"  No more Ramen and EasyMac.  Okay, okay, I kid, I kid!  Of course there will be Ramen and EasyMac; what can I say, I'll be working full-time, a girl can get busy too you know.  Plus, how much more would you appreciate a meal right after having Ramen?  THAT much more, I know.  Anyway, that being said, here it goes: 

perhaps my pride has gone completely out the window because I know even more than ever that it's not about me, and I'm not afraid to tell someone just how much they mean to me, no matter how ridiculous it might sound.  Not to say that I expect for it to be reciprocated, but sometimes I think I hold higher expectations for my close friends than others simply because I care about them so much.  I know what they could be and I can see their potential.  My friends are so amazing, I wish you could meet them all.  They are the hardest workers I've ever met, and they carry so much love in their hearts, it's so incredible.  I always let them know how much they mean to me, because I never know when their number will be called, or mine for that matter.  I care so much about their well-being, I can't help but have my feelings show, and sometimes I feel I do it subconsciously.  I guess this past month has been very revealing for me.  I always knew life was precious, and I always made it a point here and there to tell my friends how much I'm thankful for them.  But I feel this time it's different.  I see things in a different way.  I know we can get caught up in the busyness of life, but now I can't help but think how hard is it to take 5-10 minutes out of your busy schedule to call them up, or have a short conversation via text messaging?  When you look at the grand scheme of things, it's not a whole lot of time you're investing, so why not start now?  Why wait!?  It baffles me beyond almost anything!  Why can't we see that we are NOT promised tomorrow?  Why can't we take advantage of who is in our lives instead of taking them for granted?  Of course they will always be in our lives regardless.  But seriously, let's wake up and smell the fresh air.  Life doesn't get any easier, and there won't be a time in our lives when obstacles DON'T get in the way.  That's just life, people.  I encourage you to take the 10-minute challenge.  Let's see where it takes you.  I think being in the hospital also helps me to open my eyes and see that life isn't fair, and it can be taken so easily, even the youngest of young.

Friendship is about loyalty.  "True friends are loyal and committed to each other."  In some cases, we won't talk to our friends for extremely long periods of time, and that won't make the friendship any less, but how much stronger does it make it?  Friendship requires taking a risk, and we really do need friends, "but often let the fear of rejection" keeps us from reaching out in the friendship.  What are you afraid of?

I know what it's like to lose a friend.  Do you?  Maybe you didn't physically, but maybe the friendship was lost through the tough times of the relationship.  It's happened with me, but thankfully God restored it, even if it took some time.  Look, I don't know where you are in life, or even if this whole blog made sense, I really just needed to vent this all out.  I have someone who I care about so much, but I don't know if they will ever TRULY know how much they mean to me.  It's tough, I know life get busy. I know that.  Sometimes I just feel like maybe other things are more important than our friendship.  And that hurts.  Call me sensitive, but I call it being sensible.  I'm sure this loss that I've recently experienced has made it a little more real to me, and I cannot deny that.  I don't put blame on anyone.  But, let's look at the bigger picture and "enjoy the little things in life…for one day you will look back and realize they were the big things."  Please...don't miss out on that.

Throughout all this turmoil I have been reminded, once again, that it's not about me.  My focus is directed towards You, Lord.  It's not about me.